Death Spiral

I walk for hours, and hours, and hours

But I am strong, and carry so much more than my weight

My legs are frail looking things, though my joints are stronger

Solid like soldered metal because I am a soldier

And when it is commanded of me, I will lift up a boulder

For the Queen

I will work hard, until I can walk no more, and work no longer

I don’t foresee a time I will get to rest this integument of mine

I will follow the crowd blindly, because that’s what we do

When the decisions are not ours to make

You go with the crowd while you are strong enough to work, to stay fed

And keep working until you reach a place of strength, and eventual rest

But there’s no security, if you fall behind, you get left behind for dead

There’s only so much weight a worker can take

I am under a mountain, and I am afraid I will break

Time to time, I grapple with a new thing of interest as *I catch a hold of its scent*

I poke around, mandibles quivering, feverish with hungry intent

Before another worker can catch me, even by mistake

In the moment, I am swept away

I cannot escape the crowd, no matter how far or how long I walk

I’ve trusted my leader, and I’ve trusted my senses

It does not matter, my curiosity nor my motivations

I do not know how long I have been here, marching around in circles

But there is nowhere to go when I can *no* longer smell the trails

Because I am a part of something bigger

And in comparison, I am small, I am weak

I know I would not survive without it all, but, still

I carry with me so much more than my weight

I carry hope, though it is bleak

I am hoping not to see another outbreak of violence

Our rations have diminished, and we are so tired

We have never been so close to starvation

I don’t know whose fault it is we have followed this trail for so many hours now

And found no food, but I just have to remember

I walk over many hills, and I lift many mountains

And time to time, I look up and see the sky is blue before me

The others may not like blue, but I do

Above the tall, tall trees

Many times greater than me

Greens like the leaves that I lift, to bring to the harvest

For everybody to share the fruits of my labour

Flower heads looming over me now, beaded ripples, sunlight peaking through

Protected by my prickly hair, from the sun beating down

Though I still feel it under my tough amber skin

And only truly escape the heat in the hive of our home

Our colony that inhabits the floor beneath the canopy

Will I see it again? Today? Tomorrow?

The marching never ends because the search for food never ends

Even morsels for a day of work are a prize to behold

And all that matters to us is that a granule will get you another day

We do not know about the day after tomorrow

I can ignore the pain because I am alive

To smell the scent of the flowers on journeys to foods I seek

They are so sweet, I wish I could eat them

I can imagine the remnants of the taste, as though the pollen is stuck to my labium

And I think, that’s all I can think-

My legs weakening, the sun is so hot, I can feel fire inside of me